Wednesday, January 08, 2014


One of the hardest things to do, I've learned, is to work.

I mean to work for myself. It's easy to play for myself. I can listen to music, play a game, do just about anything. I don't doubt my ability to play and to absorb. Media consumption is easy, and responding to it can be just as easy, but to create is difficult. Doing work at a job is easy because the tasks are given to you. I don't mean to say that every job is easy, and people like medical doctors and engineers have a tough path carved out for them, but I mean to say that lowly jobs are easy. I can go to work and do the same thing over and over again. I'm super good at that, even when some people seem to be very bad at it.

Creation is the processing of making a thing that didn't exist before. Not all creation is original, but that thing you make is uniquely yours, and it didn't exist before. That process is difficult, even when the actually thing you do isn't difficult to do. I realized this when I tried to empathize with James Rolfe ( The Angry Video Game Nerd). I imagined what it would be like to play a game and then make a funny video with it. Just imagining this overwhelmed me. My powers of empathy are very great, but I think anyone could do this. It's a particularly daunting task. Herculean even.

I'm not good at this process, yet. I want to be better at it. As things are now, I have a bunch of ideas and never put them through and then rush into production the moment I feel like doing it. This has never gone well. I'll write, shoot, and edit a video within a few hours and it's all a blur by the time I'm done. For many people, I'm sure this works, but for the novice this is a very bad, muddled idea. I don't have the skills to do this yet, and I'm not sure when I will or if I ever will. Right now I just want to be better at doing things.

My plan is to work for myself everyday, for at least an hour every night (or just when I have time, which isn't always the evening), and attempt for that to become at least something produced either every week or ever few days. I don't know how well this will work, but I want to do it. I want to be better and I want to be happy with what I do. If I can, eventually I will be able to sustain myself on my work and merit alone and disallow the need for a day job, but that won't come for a long time, right now I just want to be happy that I'm doing something.

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