Tuesday, December 10, 2013


I recently learned about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I used to think that people with the disorder were limited to people with deeply ritualistic tendencies, doing something seven times before moving on or licking a shoe before going to school. I ues do think that OCD was only crazy stuff. I also used to think it was really dumb when everyone said that they have OCD because they liked clean, neat things.

People who have OCD can have any obsession, but there are patterns. People with OCD have a tendencies to count or touch things, are very indecisive, and obsess over basic free-associations, in an almost autistic manner. These aren't the only symptoms, but seem like the most common. There are OCD'd people out there who can't handle stuff that's not neat or clean, and OCD can lead to other disabilitating disorders, like anxiety and phobia. OCD can also mean the crazy stuff I mentioned earlier, but I don't think that is as common.

After learning about this, I recognized a lot of these behaviors in my own life. I realize dthat I count things, I have a weird need to touch stuff that I see (even though it's not a strong need, I feel it nontheless.) I can feel myself slipping into these tendencies with each step into depression. I walk in a specific way, paying attention to the space between each step, making sure I never step on lines, and only step over lines that are perpindicular with my gait.

I knew that around 1% of Americans, around three million people, are afflicted with OCD, which is a pretty high number when it comes to metal illnesses. That's 1 in 100 Americans, whichever number is easier to understand.

My realy issues, because the rest are honestly cosmetic at best, is my incredible indecisiveness. Once I'm set on doing one thing, I can't do anything until I do that thing. Normally it's lunch. I can't do anything until I eat lunch. I'll think about eating at 10 AM, but I won't be able to decide what to do because I don't wnat it to take too long and I don't want to spend money. I'll pace around for hours. I'll try to do something else, but can't bring myself to do it without eating first.

I'll put myself inot a weird Catch 22, as well. I'll want to eat before I do any work, do work before I do laundry, exercise before laundry, and do laundry before I eat. Its terrible, and I seem to go through it every day. It leads to my own depression and anxiety. I feel like I end up going in circles.

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