Tuesday, December 10, 2013


I recently learned about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I used to think that people with the disorder were limited to people with deeply ritualistic tendencies, doing something seven times before moving on or licking a shoe before going to school. I ues do think that OCD was only crazy stuff. I also used to think it was really dumb when everyone said that they have OCD because they liked clean, neat things.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

That Guy

I find that, too often, my friends are 'That Guy.'

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Why not...

I think about myself, but maybe in a more selfish manner than others. The question of 'why me?' comes about often, but in my head the question is always 'why not me?'

Everyday there seems to be a story bout a kid, sometimes as young as 16, who's doing something awesome or amazing and is stinking rich. It's somewhat frustrating because, often but not always, I feel like I have their same abilities or potential. I don't do those things though.

Part of me thinks that I've never had the opportunity. Growing up, I didn't have the environment to be creative or think 'outside the box' to use a tired phrase. My goals were limited: go to school, get a degree, get a job. That's all my mother prepared us for, and it's somewhat disappointing. She did the best job she could, and she didn't do a bad job at all. My mother is amazing and awesome, she did her best to realize her own potential. She got a master's at the age of 46 (I think) and that's probably the most awesome thing anyone can do. School isn't just for kids, and you can kind of go back whenever you want.

Having said that, my mom pushed us into school because she didn't do it and she thinks it's the best for everyone. Many people think that and it's not always wrong. Going to school is often a great idea. Unfortunately it's not good enough to know the same things as a lawyer in order to be a lawyer. Law degrees are necessary for the tests needed for licences, causing lawyering to be very difficult for poor people. It's sort of a 'the rich get richer' story, but no lawyer is getting rich right now.

I digress.

I don't think school was right for me, even though I'm the type of person who does well in school. I've never liked the structure of school, I like binging on learning. School facilitates forgetting. My mother said the moment she passed her statistics class, everything fell out of her head. The situation called for 'remember this, until you can forget it forever and it doesn't matter.' I don't want to learn things for the moment, I want to learn them for myself, things I need to know forever and want to know. Things I can use for myself.

Sadly, school doesn't cater to these thoughts well. School is standardized; it's too difficult for people who learn slower, and too boring for people who learn quicker. I was always the person who learned quickly and was bored, and my boredom lead to standard results. Even in the college level courses I took in high-school I felt unchallenged. I'm not bragging, and I'm not begging for a challenge. There were more difficult classes to take (some, anyway) but due to my standard performance, they were a little unavailable to me. I also didn't want a 'hard' class for the sake of challenge. I wanted a class I loved to treat me with tough love. I didn't want calculus and I didn't want classic lit.

The only classes which challenged me creatively (which is what I really wanted) were classes I wasn't any good at. My AP art course, which I did terribly in because I'm no artist, was a very difficult class and I loved that it was so hard. It stressed me to the point of utter dismay and I wish I had taken advantage of it, but I was never encouraged to be something different.

This is all sort of a trickle down effect. I wasn't creative at home, I wasn't creative in school, and I was never creative with my life. Somehow, at home point, I was shoved into a box and could never remove myself from it. It's sad because I'm so awesome and creative. If only I had found my way out of that box ten years ago, I could be one of those kids in the news today. If only I had told myself to be exceptional then.

I can't let it get to me now, now I have to be awesome for the young me and the now me.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Recent happenings have reminded me how much I have taken my family for granted.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Friday, October 25, 2013

My Full Review of One Bad Mother

I listen to most, if not all, of the Maximum Fun podcasts. They take up a lot of my time, so I consider them important. I'm really in love with all of them, but one of them sometimes leaves me a little uncomfortable. Hopefully I can stress my woes here.

Saturday, October 12, 2013


For many years I have picked up and put down my crappy children's guitar, which is probably the smallest and least expensive guitar ever made. My mother got it for me for my 17th birthday, because I asked for a guitar and she couldn't spend more than $60 on a guitar. It's actually really hard to play because it has a high action, it's small in general, and it just doesn't produce good sound. It's still a guitar, though, a guitar that can play any note a normal steal string can play, it's just shittier.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Why I Miss Jontron

Game Grumps is by far my favorite YouTube channel, and probably one of the best Let's Play styled shows around. It's funny and interesting, and the hosts are pretty transparent. At the same time they can be stupid and inspiring. It's a heap load of fun and just about everyone should watch it.

Originally the show was hosted by Arin Hanson, better known as Egoraptor, and Jon Jafari, best known as Jontron. Currently Arin is still part of the grump team, but Jontron left to pursue his own art, his YouTube channel named Jontronshow. Danny Sexbang from Ninja Sex Party replaced Jontron, and I love Danny. There's just something I miss about Jon.

Jontron added a lot, and I mean a lot, of stupidity to Game Grumps. Arin wasn't much better, but Jon was always harsher, louder, and more oppinionated. At the same time he was hilarious. Those aren't things I think the show needs, because it's still just as fun. Jontron didn't bring those things to the party knowingly, he was just himself, which is still a great thing about the show even now.

Arin and Jon felt like they were best friends and that was fun. Even with a bad episode of Game Grumps, they always felt like they were going through it together. There is no new ill will with the current hosts, Arin and Danny, but they feel more like individuals now instead of friends. Jon and Arin had a very forthcoming and well understood standing of friendship, and I miss that.

Because they felt like friends, I felt like their friend. I felt like I could hang out with my best friends for 10-30 minutes a day, and that was enough to make me happy. Today I still love Game Grumps, it's still my favorite YouTube thing, but it's more of a show today. Maybe I'm wrong, though. Maybe it's the same and I just love Jontron. I do feel a deeper connection with Jontron, I'll admit. We're about the same age and I've had similar experiences.

Maybe I just want a friend who's loud, annoying, and funny. And also kind of dumb.

Friday, May 31, 2013

A list of things I can do

Me In High School
Sometimes I feel like I need to validate myself, like I've never really done anything. I just want to take the time to remind myself of who I am and what I can do. I realize that the solution isn't telling myself that I'm good or great, or convincing anyone else of the same things. I find my solace in creating more things, so that I know I've done a lot. So I'm going to try and do that, create more things. First, I'm going to make a list of things I can do

Thursday, April 18, 2013


The Tell All Image
Webcomics are an odd medium. Much like everything that's been converted to the internet, they're much shorter and normally much more freeform than traditional comics. There is no short supply of webcomics. There are even many good webcomics. Most of them are sort of one-offs, with one joke and no continuity. The comics that do have a continuous story arch, aren't normally that good. The quick hit-and-run style of the internet doesn't work well with well-structured, well-written literature.

So it's surprising that Misfile is just so well written.