|Me at 16, I think|
What has changed is unexpected. At first being here was just the best my life could be. I was out on my own doing new and different things. I just felt free to be who I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. Of course, it took much longer to figure out what that meant.
It took me a while how to figure out how to be Awesome.
|Me at 16 or so, playing WoW. Before the Haircut.|
It was then I realized what it meant to be happy and what I wanted to do with my life, vaguely anyway. No one could have told me what it was or how to get there, like I had expected. I was raised with the idea of a singular path (go to college, get a job) and as the years pass I've learned how wrong that is. At the same time I was encouraged to be creative and different. I thought getting a job would mean that I could make a difference and show the world who I am.
In reality, a job isn't creative or expressive. The singular path ended with a singular feeble goal: make more money than my parents.
|Most pictures I have of myself were taken at 16|
Also, my mustache has greatly improved
Despite what my family thinks, I'm not materialistic. I don't care about money. It's way more important than I like to admit, because I enjoy having a space to live in and a connection to the Internet (and food is always nice) and all of that costs more money than you think. Essentially, my goals in life were largely contradictory: live a stiff, cold life and be creative. I convinced myself to be like everyone else, although I always thought of myself as extraordinary, capable of doing great things, everyone told me the best option was to get a good paying job.
I accepted these frankly shitty ideas, which were only ever told to me by shitty people. It took me a few decades to meet any awesome people. It took me that long to realize that I'm not shitty like everyone else. I'm not just capable of doing different things, I am different. I am exemplary.
|I think this was my last day in high school. I was 17.|
Note my ironic t-shirt
I will succeed. I don't care how hard it is, how long it will take, but I will succeed.
I am awesome.