Tuesday, January 17, 2012

If, At All, Unlikely

I am a person who is an if. If, at all, unlikely. I am unlike almost all people I have ever met. Polymathic in my study, accepting of everyone and almost rudely kind.

This is by no means praise, it is a realization which I've come to time and time again over the past year or two. I am not who most people are, I am not even what some people are. I am what a handful of people might be. My existence is unlikely and hilariously uncouth. Everyday I wake up to a new morning with new possibilities, only limited by what I think is possible on whatever morning I might be waking on.

This is an odd time in my life because I am no longer who I used to be. A year ago I was a different person. Two months ago I was a different person from who I was a year ago. I am now even more different than I have ever been before. Change is hard, both to do and accept. I changed for myself, but also for the world. I am now convinced that I can help the world by living from without it. I'll exist on the outside and accept that is what I am. I am on the outside of the world at large.

I am almost no one in comparison to everyone. I'm less than no one. I'm so close to zero that it's a joke. The amount of people who watch and enjoy the Jersey Shore outnumber me by the probable millions. One divided by one million is pretty damn close to zero, so I'm a zero. But I'll show everyone what a zero can do. Zero is powerful because of how different it is from every other number. It breaks the most laws in the mathematical world and I'll do that in the real world.

I'll change the world by showing I'm different, and that I'm right. I'll show the world that it's wrong and it needs to know this. I'll do that, probably not by myself, but I've never been more sure that I'm not wrong than I have ever been. I'll be myself so hard that everyone will notice and appreciate it. I will no longer be in the background, I will shout until someone notices and maybe they'll learn, but it won't be enough. I'll shout until everyone here's me, and that will not be enough. I will shout until everything stops, and that will not be enough. I will shout until everything changes, and maybe that will be enough.

I know I'm not right; I know I'm wrong. There is nothing wrong with being wrong, but there isn't so much right about being right all the time either. You have to be wrong before you do something good. You have to do something good to be wrong as well. No one was right the first time. Almost no one is right the last time and now I know. I know that and I am superior. I know that and I will succeed.