Monday, October 31, 2011

Step Forward and press A: My Life as a moron

This is more bloggy than what I've been writing currently, so don't read on unless you want to hear something really personal
I steal the name of this post from the amazing Shipwreck of CheapAssGamer. The title is his description of a game, the subtitle is my own creation. I use it because I think what he said is very reflective of my life and my failure in learning things on my own for a long time. Of course, this is out of context, this isn't what he meant when he said this, this is how I reinvented it for myself.

Virtually I mean that I have had an issue with instant gratification my whole life. Video games, school and American culture have taught this to me time and time again. I often allow myself to get too excited, take one step and give up when I haven't reached my goal. It's terrible that I do this and that I still kind of do it often. I don't want to, of course. It is a very terrible life's problem, and the only way to solve it is through sheer will.

When I say this I refer to any number of things. I become easily bored with learning a new idea. Programming, web design and studying are good examples. When I first started to learn HTML and C++, I gave up rather instantly. I didn't know what I was doing or why and I hadn't learned how to make an amazing web page or video game within 20 minutes so I hadn't really learned anything. With studying for a test or the like I would often get upset because I already knew everything so well. What I didn't understand is that I didn't know it all as well as I thought I did.

It's tasks like these that I have a lot of difficulty with. I chronically give up because of the lack of gratification. The issue is twofold: 1. the system of learning is sometimes not the best 2. I'm a total moron. Addressing the first, I think video games and movies and most entertainment justifies its use of your time very quickly by allowing to see your skill in use, or the time you've expended, result very quickly into something fun or gratifying. This isn't something we can always avoid. It takes many simple steps before any jumps can be made, but learning things like programming and HTML, especially in a scholastic setting, is terribly slow.

If you've ever taken a programming class, you'll always start with print("Hello World!") or something very similar. This teaches anyone how to display data which is by and large the most important part of a program. However, when this is the first 40 minute class and assignment, it becomes very annoying.  So this leads me to my second point: I'm a total moron.

A smart person would understand this and allow the pace to take them to their end. I am not that person, so I often try to find that end myself, but since there are so many simple steps I often give up because there is no gratification as early as the word go.

This sums up most of my life of learning something new and giving it up or learning something old and giving it up to return to playing games or watching a TV show or listening to a podcast or doing nothing at all. A personal journal I keep has given me a lot of insight into the world of monotonous nothing I manage to keep up everyday and it's provoked me to keep up this blog and try to start many other projects, such as creating a web server with the XAMPP package. HOpefully I'll do something with it and I'll gain something. Right now I'm still at 0 at 21-years-old.

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