Monday, September 19, 2011

Dear Judi

Maybe there will be a day where I understand myself, but I hope that day has already passed for you.

Today I stand as incompetent and ignorant as I did the day I stepped trepidatiously for the first time. I know nothing like I did then and I will never know anything more. I will never be a big star or anything important. I'll always be clear minded and oblivious to who I am and what I will become. I don't want to be anything, but I want to certainly be something to you.

I spent the years, about six or seven, before I met you in pretty terrible depression. I can't remember a day where I was happy, at lest not one that was important enough to remember. I can only remember the worst things that happened to me, which seemed to happen each and every day. I was meek and destroyed. I was nothing then, much like today, but perhaps I've gained enough to be considered nothing with a hint of flavor. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I could never be who I am today or where I am today if I were still like I was then.

Today I stand strong and unafraid of anything. That is thanks to no one but you. No one helped me like you have and will. No one has ever given me the strength you have given me.

I say this because a few have told me recently that I seem so unafraid and that I can hold my own. I feel like I've become stronger because of you. You give me strength even when you're not around. I thank you.

Thank You, Judi Yip. I love you